Alejandro Albarrán Polanco

 

Posthumous Instructions for My Body
Intentions
I hope that wanting to say something means something

 

Posthumous Instructions for My Body

(Homage to Peter Handke)

 

- First of all crush

all

the bones

until they’re compacted.

- And then?

- Then after you cherish them

char them well

until they become powder (after laughing louder).

- And then?

- Purify the cinders until you extract all the carbon from the bone (to change their tone),

- And then?

- Then turn them into graphite. (I repeat:

turn them into graphite.)

- And then?

- Transmute the cinders into diamonds (a process of chemicals and science).

- And then?

- Take a cardboard tube and insert the diamond (based on its diameter).

- And then?

- Make a kaleidoscope.

- And then?

- Give it to the first child who goes by.

- And then?

- Wait until he looks through the hole.

- And then?

- Wait. (Waiting is the goal.)

- And then?

- Wait until the child sees the value not in the stone

but in the transformation. [1]




 
 

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Intentions

 

1

  

The wish, the wish: the wisp of
smoke: the smoke from the crystal ball
cut-glass
at the Tagus River a tameme 
the wish for a tameme to exist, the
wish to believe you to death, to
believe me. To love you to death:
to death: that death exists or the
light in mirrors: reflections’ wi-
sh to be reflections. The wish to
bury myself, the wish to baby myself, the
wish to negate myself and to negate you, the wi-
ll to negate the will. The manta ray
will, the ray that another ray follows, the
line that I touch you, the principle that I see you,
the extremity you point out to me, the extre-
mity you show me: the concave part
of the vessel: the channels of communication: a
vessel of errant technology: the error in the
system: the idea of the system: the possib-
ility of the idea of a system: the system:
the idea of god: the idea of the idea that
establishes the idea of god. The wish to
negate myself, so as to inundate myself, so as to
negate the existence of god, the wish to accept
the possibility of an existence: a 
tiara on a hare: a nightmare: when
they installed a gill in Christ’s
side. I dreamed that sentence. I dreamed
that sentence or I said it while walking. I said it when I
saw, saw it, I said it when I really was
there: the wish for Christ to swim now
on a beach, the wish for him to be
a fish, the fish that flows through my entrails
when I have the will, the Christ who has
my voice’s gills when I say it. If it is
what I say. If I really believe it,
I believe it, I invent it and I show it to myself:
I see it: it exists: there exists, at least, a
possibility. The wish for it to exist. The
wish, the wish: the wisp of smoke:
the smoke of the crystal ball
cut-glass
at the Tagus River
a tameme.
Both of his parts sleep.
The same tameme sleeps by the cut.
The same tameme
separately.

 

 


 

            2

  

My intention hurts deep inside. 
It hurts me with a spike in the right side,
it hurts me with how far it shakes me, it
hurts me with the shelter it takes from me, it hurts
me underneath: it hurts me deep beneath. It
hurts with the first: it hurts with what
pricks, the slightest thing, a point that hits
the nail on the head: if a whole building falls on you and
nothing happens to you it won’t have hit the
nail on the head, though sometimes that’s the point, to hit
everywhere except the mark, like the bull’s eye,
which is also a point. The idea is for you
to learn to hold the bow well so you give
the arrow intention. Direction is for
beginners. The intention is to launch the
arrow at the ambush. The intention is that it
hits whomever it hits but that
it hits, that it hits someone, that it gives it to them,
that it hits, that it brings stillness the arrow in the eye
or in the ankle, in the sparkle of the sparkle, in the
twinkle, that the arrow does not stay, that
the arrow brings stillness but it doesn’t stay still,
even if it stays, even if it’s discreet, it
doesn’t stay, that it hits beneath but
not underneath, although what’s beneath
stays skin-deep. Let it be a puncture.
What hurts is not the arrow, it’s the desire
to go deep.  

 

 

 


 

            3

 

Someone, at three in the morning, killed a
tameme. It was some children with a bow.
It was some children with the best inten-
tions. It was some children disfigured because
they had dirty fingernails. They shot him at once,
they killed him at once, they both killed him,
separately, they tossed him into the Tagus, at three in
the morning. The killed him tomorrow: they
will kill him. If they have will they will kill him, if
they have the will the arrow will hit him in the
side, and it will be like the spear piercing
Christ, and it will be in his side, like Christ,
and it will be those children with all of their good
intentions, with the wish to install
a gill in his side, the wish to transform into a fish
a body that can’t hold itself up
on land, the wish that he
know how to swim: the wish to kill. At
three in the morning, tomorrow, those children
with their bows, full of good intentions,
will have the will.

 

 

 

I hope that wanting to say something means something. I hope

 that meaning means something.

                        Some people want to say something, Some

people want to say something and with that they mean something. That is

to say: some people want to say something but they don’t say it.

They say that they don’t say it because what they want to say can’t be

said the way you say just anything. What they want to say

isn’t just anything. What they want to say is something that

isn’t said just like that.

                        Some people say that those who want to say

something are saying something. People who say that those

who want to say something are saying something, don’t know

how to explain with certainty what it is that they are saying, but

they intuit that it is something important.

            Those who have to say something and don’t say it

is because what they want to say is important. We all know

that something one wants to say but doesn’t say because it can’t

be said the way you say just anything is important. What one wants to say is

important.

            I hope that saying something means something. I hope that

wanting to say something means something. I hope that wanting to say something

means something. I hope that wanting means something.

            Some people are wanting to say something.

Some people say that they are wanting to say something.

Some people don’t say what they mean because

they say that what they mean is important. At this point,

no one would doubt that what one wants to say is

important. Some people seem impatient to

say something. Some people really are impatient

to say something. Some people want to say something.

Some people want to say.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some people are afraid of running out.

Some people are afraid of going out.

Some people are afraid

and fear gets high along the edges of things

and fear gets high

gets you high,

gets us high.

Gets us stoned

along the edges of things.

Fear gets us stoned.

We smoke

to get stoned

on the other side of the edges of things.

Fear deposits its miniscule egg

on the edges

of things.

Some people are afraid of running out.

Some people are afraid of going out.

Some people are afraid.

Some people scratch their fingernails on the enormous blackboard 

of the sky to attract attention, some people scratch their fingernails

on the blackboard and a horrible screech runs through

the streets, some people hear the screech, it appears

that some people hear the screech, the screeching of the

nails on the blackboard of the sky, some people go around

with a frown because they hear the screech of the fingernails

on the sky.

            The surgical night rises:

some people enter it like cotton balls and gas

in a leg wound.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

Some people are waiting

with anticipation

for their

vacation day.

Some people make plans

and making plans is something that

makes some people

feel less anxious

while waiting.

 

Some people plan things

while they wait,

for example,

their vacation

day.

 

Some people plan their vacations while they await

with anticipation

the day

of their vacation.

 

Some people are waiting

for their

vacation day

and while they wait

they make plans,

and making plans is a thing that

makes some people

feel less anxious

while waiting.

 

Some people are awaiting

anxiously

the day

of their vacation.

Some people are waiting

for the day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some people do things while they wait, some

people, while they do things, hide in a small

brown box (which everyone has) that’s waiting and they keep it

in a high place, so that it’s not visible, so that it’s not

accessible. Some people decorate their box before

putting it away, some people buy paint to color

their box, some people prefer traditional brown,

some people buy the most beautiful nylon threads

to decorate their box, some people get very

creative and draw phrases on their box, some

people write phrases on their box, some people

write phrases and while they write them they are doing things:

writing phrases. Some people don’t stop decorating

their box, some people wait, with anticipation, for the day

when they can open their box. Some people do things

while they wait.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some people

break

bread on the table

on a winter’s night

after many years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Some people dream of white

bison

falling on the fields.)

 

Some people dream of an open

field,

a free esplanade,

an accessible space.

 

(Some people dream of white

bison

falling on the fields.) 

 

Some people dream about a type of freedom

like a field

that extends

as far as the eye can see.

 

The freedom of a dance

in an extended

field

that advances

as far as the eye can glance.

 

Freedom is a space

extended in the belly.

 

(Some people dream

falling

on the fields.)

 

Freedom is an indeterminate

space

that advances

from far away

with the wind.

 

Freedom is only a foreboding

that moves forward.

 

(Some people dream

on the fields)

 

Some people feel freedom

like a foreboding in their bellies.

 

Some people who dream about white

bison

falling

on the fields

also dream

about spears.

 

#

Some people are small indeterminate spaces.

Some people visit those spaces,

there

they build large

tourist complexes.

 

Some people visit these large

tourist complexes and decide to stay there.

Some people have already found good jobs,

for example, greeting people who visit

those large

tourist complexes.

 

(Some people are large

tourist

complexes.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some people are mirrors

arranged

with care

anywhere.

 

Some people look at themselves in the mirrors

and the mirrors return an altered image of themselves,

an image that doesn’t complete them at all.

Some people don’t want to be themselves,

some people have never wanted to be themselves,

some people have never been themselves

some people have never thought that they aren’t themselves.

some people can’t be themselves

because they are mirrors

arranged with care

anywhere.