Seth Landman
To Say Nothing
I woke up and ate my mind this morning.
Should I not have done that? A little song
stayed in my head though. I hummed it all day.
I couldn’t quit my weird little habits.
Stop chewing inside your mouth, Seth, I said
in my head. Don’t let it get away from
you. A circle was circling, I could tell
it would get around to me at some point.
A sinister blooming in the ash shade.
Start over, sang the song. My voice. Quiet,
perplexed little heart. You should be dreaming.
Light travels in space for the longest time.
I knew what I was but it passed me by.
A little fear behind me in the dark.
Cuts
Let’s say the world is time
just ending. Let’s say this is
the way down. You’d need to think
about it the whole way down. Let’s say
the plants like waking from a dream.
The whole world watching. It’s you;
it’s you. You stare at the wall.
There’s an incredible amount of light,
listening. You sink in the soil.
Let’s say this is the world. Imagine it
is only now beginning. The alarm
goes off. The world is upset.
Dyspepsia in many regions and biomes.
Waves crashing over concrete seawalls.
Total chaos. Blue wings across a blue sky.
You have invented the color green. God
snuck out for a while. Everyone got real
rowdy. I don’t believe in the hum I hear
in fields of ferns amidst endless rot.
I don’t know my heart or believe it. It knocks
like a radiator. We all dream the same
little life from the steam. We had all our friends
all the time. Staying up late listening to songs.
Court Vision
I need to hear
the endless source
I’m dealing with this
morning I’m having trouble
we do not have any faith
in one another
so we can’t bring ourselves
to share the ball
on the basketball court
if I hear someone talking
about God’s face
I can’t think anything
but what could you possibly know
dude about that face
there’s no face
there can’t be a face
share the ball my children
sleep holding the ball
flick the mysterious wrist
in the key use the bounce
where the hands of
your enemies are not
I need to hear your
satellites coming into view
diagrams on a whiteboard
if we can just
get a little pressure
remember
when you are sad
remember everything
to see the face of God
you have to move the rock
Poem In Which I Begrudgingly Express Not Exactly Praise but Something
Like Praise for the Existence of Ed Malloy, NBA Official
This season I paid
extra for the feed
from the arena
so I could see
the kiss cam
no if I’m being honest
what I really care about
is the mundane silence in which
the lower bowl rich folks
frumpily return to their seats
while some local military hero at half court
shakes hands with a mascot
receiving a modicum of quiet
applause little darling
it’s been a long cold lonely winter
but I have this feed
for which I paid
$249.99 instead of $199.99
to see instead of commercials
the pulsing humanity of this
Tuesday night in Dallas
where both teams seem equally frustrated
at the antics of attention-seeking
referee Ed Malloy
I can’t even imagine not
wishing to be mostly invisible
and simultaneously beloved
I can’t help but feel we are
only exactly what we are
Portland is down 12 early in the 4th
Dallas is a little better
than we collectively imagined
men are exuberantly now
during a break in the action
wielding the t-shirt slingshot
a Maverick is a yearling
so young and full of hope
the feed just showed two women
in plush blue Mavericks horse head caps
the feed just showed a bummed out dude
who tore by accident the sign
he’d been holding aloft unthinkingly
brandishing not only
good wishes for his team
but a corporate logo
meaningless yet disgusting
like a fart in a supermarket aisle
we are capable I suppose
of profound improvement
in so many things over
the course of these
cosmically meaningless lives
when I go visit my parents I can’t even
manage to be consistently patient
with their questions
one failure of kindness after another
and yet I return
in the parking lot
the shopping carts
to their neat rows
even some I didn’t use
depending on my mood
not to toot my own horn
ahhh idk
you know what
even Ed Malloy
who is a little showy for my taste
exists here on our little planet
hurtling through the cosmos
and I am thinking about that
well I don’t know what
Death’s Head
I saw it in the window
while I did dishes at the sink
it made me lose my mind
dreamsick loved one
of pure and golden heart
I put horrible-smelling blood flakes
in with the fish
but there were no fish
just water churning in the tank
it made me lose my mind
I tried to look tough
my face no longer a face
the water churning in the tank
the fish under there breathing
how do they do that
I saw you in the window
through the fog on the window
from the steam from the shower
it made me lose my mind
your face faced my face
I faked out a sidewalk pigeon
my uncle made us a bunch of chalk
we drew a life-sized blue whale
it filled up the parking lot
I made plans for us and you
kept changing forms
we floated near the filter
the fish were dreaming about exoskeletons
little bacteria were hunting down the poison
my grandmother buried a hatchet in a hollow log
it made me lose my mind
I knew we wouldn’t survive the winter
my grandmother and I smoked filterless cigarettes
she said the body has its own language
when I fell in love my grandmother said I was doomed
when I was alone she said no one knows what the fuck they want
the chalk surrounded my heart
the fish buried their fins in my heart
my grandmother tore my head off
she said you are thinking too much
I made plans and I hated the plans
I saw my sister in the window
I saw my mother in the window
I saw my aunt in the window
how do they do that
they messed around with the tracking on the tape
it made me lose my mind
the world has a kind of clarity
but it isn’t my kind
everything in the world is clicking and buzzing
it isn’t my time
she says you are thinking
my grandmother through the fog
she is my best friend
the little bacteria found the golden heart
and the habitat faltered
I put on a light by my bedside
I moved the bedclothes down to my feet
the freezing air licked at my heart
my houseplants called out in pain
in the bad air my spine elevated
the ceiling fan sputtered
my grandmother told me relax
the horrible flakes will feed us
I tried to look tough
I held her hand and she shook off my hand
I asked the secret question
it made me lose my mind
death is another world says my grandmother
she is sitting on a recliner
in a dark room
her face is blue with light from a screen
the cable box whirrs
teach me to use the remote says my grandmother
but you will only forget I say
and while we argue we are drowned out by the dialogue
from the 1954 version of Sabrina
directed by Billy Wilder and starring Audrey Hepburn
William Holden and Humphrey Bogart
Sabrina says, all night long I’d had the most terrible impulse to do something
when I look back at my grandmother she is gone
I can’t tell you the secret question
it made me lose my mind
Seth Landman is the author of two poetry collections: Confidence
(Brooklyn Arts Press, 2015) and Sign You Were Mistaken (Factory
Hollow Press, 2013). He received his PhD in Creative Writing and
Literature from the University of Denver (2013) and an MFA from
the University of Massachusetts (2008). He is an English teacher
and basketball coach at The Putney School in Vermont, and you
can find him online @slandman33.